In an issue made heavy by on-going events north and west of here, it behoves me (lovely old word, 'behoves') to ramble on a more lightweight topic here this month, and they don't come much lighter than Thailand's National Bird.

I'm thinking, of course, about the mosquito and I must immediately state my own personal bias. These irritating, potentially dangerous, totally useless (except as food for the sadly unvoracious geckos) little bxxxxxdx are only one step higher up the pecking order (sorry) than the truly revolting cockroach. Both were placed on this earth by the Creator as a bad joke in poor taste, or perhaps in a fit of pique after all that trouble he had with the lock gates on the canals of Mars?

"Mosquito kiss you too much!" exclaimed a bright 4 year old a few years ago as I nursed the myriad pink spots on my neck, souvenirs of my first and last trek. Yes, I'm one of their favourite targets alright, being an avid consumer of both beef and beer which (if you believe the Australian experts) send out such strong waves of allure in one's sweat that an alert mozzie can home in on one from 43 kms away! Unable to cut the beef n'beer habit, the purchase of which means of course that I can't afford those expensive western spray deterrents, I've been all the way through Tiger Balm, Germolene and AfterBite R in a bid to take the sting out of the slings and arrows of my outrageous misfortune. (Watch out for AfterBite R from England, by the way. A close sniff will knock your nose off and here in the tropics it gets fully liquid and simply soaks your socks).

On this, like most other topics, the experts disagree, and as anyone who has ever seen Australians debating differing opinions in a bar knows, the results are not a pretty sight. The latest set of Aussie Mozzie Men stated (after dusting themselves down and putting the conference table back the right way up) that the 'beef n'beer' theory was "a total load of bxxxdx bxllsxxt" and the problem lay in our jeans. I was reflecting that my problem lay also in my shirt, socks and favourite silly sunhat when I realised I'd misread it. "Genes", they said.

This is great news! Now we can all fashionably lay the blame on our parents - and you Americans can go sue them for every last buck.

But no-one, Aussie or Other, has yet found out how to totally eradicate the little bleeders. Literally. We can send men to the moon, clone pigs and paint contra-flow bike lanes in Chiangmai streets to kill off tourists, but we can't kill off the bloody mozzie! I'm now trying burning mosquito coils as bicycle clips, but they're even more painful. Any ideas out there?

Incoming fire, not drugs, closes the border at Mae Sai

David Hardy

The Danish Royal visit marks 100 years of friendship

Gomase Theenanon

Chiangmai and the North

My Chiangmai

David Hardy

The Drinks Page

Night Fowl

Letters

Heart to Heart

CHIANG-
CYBER-MAI?

Dr Rom (yes, really!), director of the Software Park Thailand project of the National Science and Technology Development Agency, has been holding talks with software firms interested in building a "cybercity" in Chiangmai .(...).

MISS THIPAPORN. I am 28 years old and single. I am only 155 cms tall and weigh 45kgs. I don’t smoke or drink alcohol. (...).

Click here to subscribe to the printed edition!

Mar.2003 Feb.2003 Jan.2003 Dec.2002 Nov.2002 Oct.2002 Sep.2002 Aug.2002 Jul.2002 Jun.2002 May 2002 Apr.2002 Mar.2002 Feb.2002 Jan.2002 Dec.2001 Nov.2001 Oct.2001 Sep.2001 Aug.2001 Jul.2001 Jun.2001 May 2001 Apr.2001 Mar.2001 Feb.2001 Jan.2001 Dec.2000 Nov.2000 Oct.2000 Sep.2000 Aug.2000 Jul.2000 Jun.2000 May 2000 Apr.2000 Mar.2000 Feb.2000 Jan.2000