'Thai Brides on the Internet'

I haven't seen a Thai with a woolly cap in over a month now, so this must be the real deal.

Not many air-con places around Nong Khai, so drinking at home is the best option I can think of. Schlepping cameras up and down hills is way too hot. So what's a poor photographer to do? Surfing the net seems like a fair mental exercise for this time of year. After checking on digital video happenings in the ether I moved on to digital still and a few other technical sites. After a few days I decided to check some sites I had not bothered with in some time. Sort of a 'clean out old favourites' exercise.

And so it was that I happened across what has to take the prize for "weasel deal" of the century. Sites designed for men who have not been to Thailand, sites offering 'Thai Brides on the Internet'. Sure favourites of Interior Ministry Khun Purachai! Each site allows you a certain facility to correspond with your future bride. Some even translate your letters for free. The crunch comes when you decide it's time to meet the future Mrs ? here in Nong Khai, or Isaan someplace.

Usually, for 1,000 or 2,000 US$, plus your airfare, plus lodging, plus food, plus drink, plus plus everything else, you get to meet the woman of your long distance dreams! One "Personalized" service is operated by a Brit (go figure) who purports to live in Thailand, but in fact is only here for a few months a year. And for 'even greater protection for clients', does not speak Thai.

Once you have chosen the love of your life the company will help you get everything else accomplished for - here it comes again - more money:

A Thai passport for the little lady (if required) is 45 US$ and what they call a "typical visa application" - 455 US$ to the British Embassy, payable via this introduction service. I make that at least 18,200 baht, about 16,000 MORE than a Thai walking in themselves would pay, according to the British Consulate in Chiangmai.. But back to the tariff these people tout around: marriage and all documentation costs - 225 US$; dowry to lady's family - usually a 'small' amount set between you and the bride. Now, excuse me a moment, but any Brit, Yank, or just Plain Plonker who falls for this type of scam deserves exactly what he gets! For a few quid more you can open a bar in Pattaya, or Chiangmai. One more thing, these people say they are a Thai Government licensed agency. Well, at time of rolling off the presses, we could find no evidence of any such licensing procedure. We stand to be corrected of course, but why do people talk about Thais trying to screw westerners, when westerners can do it to each other with such panache?

Another favourite of mine is broken links. People have a wonderful habit of linking websites that no longer exist. You can't blame the non-existent website, as it's the responsibility of the linker to keep things up to date. That just barely beats out hotels that don't list their rates.

Next: flooding in Udon. For the past 2 years Udon has suffered big time flooding during the rainy season. The powers that be swore that Udon would not flood again. On the 23rd of April it rained in Udon and the town was flooded. One week after Songkran and the poor folks are wading again! My final Whine of the Month is with Khun Toxin and the technocraps at UBC TV. For 6 months now the on-screen TV guide has not worked; 'Panorama' cannot be heard in English; the UBC site has no English page and the links to many of the programmes are useless, as what we are seeing is 2 and 3 years old. Shouldn't westerners get a discount?

And last, but not least, the Nazi programme censor who arbitrarily tunes us to the copyright law message, meddling in the middle of whatever we are watching. This is nuisance enough, but even UBC offices do not obey the law. Hey, it's for private home use only! Well, the Rocket Festival has begun early and here I am in the HOT sun, drinking Chang, humming 'Rocket Man' and catching a few frames.

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